Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan—that fine hill country and Lebanon. ” ~Moses

Moses did not get to see the good land beyond the Jordan, but I did.

Last month Terry and I had the amazing opportunity to travel to Beirut, Lebanon to visit family! This was the trip of a lifetime and was full of wonderful new discoveries, adventures, friendships, food, and challenges. To be honest what stands out for me at this time are the challenges and for Terry, the adventures! That's why we belong together. Balance :-) So instead of focusing on challenges here, I am going to write two separate blogs. One about all of the amazing things we did and the other will focus on international travel tips when traveling with a wheelchair!

We arrived in Beirut and were welcomed by both hot humid air and a very aggressive eager Lebanese disabled traveler assistant. No English, but that didn't seem to matter to him. He motioned to Terry to get up and Terry just gave him one of those sheepish "I'm sorry" looks. The man finally realized he would have to transfer Terry from the plane seat to an isle chair. It was not pretty! But with the help of an airline attendant we were finally on our way!

Though we were at our final destination, the travel assistant did not seem to comprehend this. He was literally running through the airport pushing my husband leaving me to carry all the bags! I am laughing now as I imagine it but... Oh! right! No complaints in this one :-)

Anyway, praise the Lord Terry's mom and dad were there to save us from the speedy assistant. It is always wonderful to see family but after the trip over and Lebanese reception, it felt like we had been rescued!

While in Lebanon Terry and I stayed at the Union Office which is on the Campus of the Middle East University (I think). Mom and dad live in an apartment building with an elevator and though we may have been able to stay in their apartment, the elevator was not reliable. The city is only able to provide power to limited sections of the city at a time and when the city isn't providing power, residents can pay some independent and entrepreneurial businessmen who have a whole complex system of generators you can receive power from. But it seems that's not quite reliable either (or maybe mom and dad were not on that system). Either way, we didn't want to get stuck up, down, or in the elevator or have dad pull a muscle bringing Terry up and down the stairs!

We did eat some wonderful food while we were there! In addition to all the fun stuff Terry's mom always seems to find to treat us to, we went to a few different restaurants. At one restaurant we had a fruit cup dish covered in a sweet avocado sauce and another in a chocolate avocado sauce. The crepes were very good as well (Lebanon was occupied by the French at one point). We had a tomato grown by one of dad's coworkers that was something like 4 pounds! One day we ordered a vegetarian pizza and it came with corn! But the more interesting thing was that the crust was seasoned with cinnamon! That was really good. And I can't forget to mention the gelato! I wish I could remember the flavors we had but there were some very local ones.

Once we went to Mhanna, a fabulous Lebanese restaurant serving traditional dishes. We couldn't read the menu in Arabic so we took someone to interpret for us. We had hummus, baba ganoush, tabouli, some kind of bean thing, fresh vegetables, yogurt with mint (they eat a lot of mint), etc. And then after finishing that course and filling up, they took us to another table loaded with fresh fruits all piled high! It was spectacular.

 In addition to the wonderful food, we saw some awesome sites. You cannot go to Lebanon and skip out on the history. Many people only think of the recent history of the country but ruins date all the way back to the Phoenician Empire and the city of Byblos is thought to be the oldest city in the world (and is still inhabited). While there we had the opportunity to visit Byblos, Baalbek, the Cedars of Lebanon, Tyre and Sidon!


Baalbek was perhaps the most exciting site! This is the location of the temple of Bacchus, the god of wine. This temple is huge, bigger than the Parthenon in Greece. Unfortunately I was sick here so I didn't really get to see much (maybe a heat stroke! It was horrible! Not complaining though    :-))

One day we visited the Cedars of Lebanon as mentioned in the Bible. The following is when Hiram, King of Tyre sent word to Solomon the newly appointed king of Israel. Solomon told the king that he wished to build a temple to the LORD since his father David was unable to do so. Hiram offered the cedars.

      Solomon- "So give order that cedars of Lebanon be cut for me. My men will work with yours, and I will pay you for your men whatever wages you set. You know that we have no one so skilled in felling timber as the Sidonians."
      Hiram- "My men will haul them down from Lebanon to the Mediterranean Sea, and I will float them as rafts by sea to the place you specify. There I will separate them and you can take them away. Any you are to grant my wish by providing food for my royal household."
                     I Kings 5:6, 9


I can only imagine the rafts of cedars floating from Lebanon, past Beirut, and down to Jerusalem.

We really did have a wonderful time and would love to go back. If we do though, I would want to study more of the past and current history of the country and region. I learned a lot simply by observing but if I knew more background I am sure I would "see" more. The culture is rich and the language is beautiful and we just barely got a glimpse of it! I wish for more time and more money!

Who is really in the chair?

It was really nice to meet someone today who has a very clear understanding of what it is like to have a loved one who uses a chair. I even practiced "receiving empathy" though it felt really awkward. At the same time, I felt connected to someone I barely knew and that was nice. Terry's chair can be the catalyst for "barrier creation" for other people. Rather than having the obvious barriers imposed by design and structure, fear of the unknown often prevents people from getting close to us. Or maybe it's that vibe I give off! That shame thing that now has a name. I guess I can be more disabled than Terry because if you've ever spent time with him, you'll find that he truly connects with people. I quite often am too busy being in control, or busy, etc. to allow for connection. So who has it better? The wheelchair user who loves life to the fullest? Or the able-bodied person who doesn't experience life to the fullest? Who is really disabled? Terry sure isn't.

Shame as a Diversion

Today I learned that shame is fed by secrecy, silence, and judgment and that the remedy for shame is empathy. Sigh... I am suppose to be good at empathy; I am a social worker. But I have the impression that empathy is not just the remedy for shame but can also be a diversion that masks shame or perhaps more honestly, allows for its continued unquestioned existence. In this case empathy would have a dual function; insincerely meeting the needs of those I come in contact with and masking my shame, neither of which is the true function of empathy.

Is it possible to have true empathy if shame pervades? I don't know. But I do know that at times shame can be a disabling and dominating "factor" affecting the ability to receive empathy. 

There is something physical that happens within me when I experience genuine connection to someone who is hurting. It is hard to describe but the best way to say it is that I feel what they feel and think what they think so much so that "I" cease to exist for that moment. This experience is charged and energizing, full of love and compassion and a desire to help. I wonder what the other person feels at that moment....

How do you breakdown the barrier of shame so that you can truly connect and accept empathy? How do you take that first risk and allow for the possibility of failure, rejection, judgment, and isolation? I think that maybe being rejected, judged, and failing might be good to experience actually because it allows one to see that these things really are not so bad. Besides, if you are stuck behind the barricade of shame then you have already self-isolated and that is not a result of how others see you but how you see yourself.

Oh for un-masked, un-barricading, not rejecting or judging love of Jesus! If He found you worthy enough to die for then you must be good enough for others! 

I am beginning to realize that shame is just a diversion to derail us from being Jesus' hands and feet. It must be the the pinnacle of self-centeredness. I want to be Jesus centered and pray that He will take away the walls that I have built so that He can use me to the full extent of his plan. 

Montgomery Bell State Park, TN

Hi all,
Terry and I spent the week at Montgomery Bell State Park just west of Nashville this week. He was there for the Region 3 National Association for Interpretation and had a great time. The park is beautiful and has several accessible features.

While we were there we also visited Radnor Lake Natural Area right in Nashville. This is a beautiful man made like surrounded by woods and steeped in history (both positive and quite negative). While there we saw about 50 lesser scaup, several bufflehead and gadwalls, and other birds. The lake trail is a closed road so it is very accessible. Check it out.

http://tn.gov/environment/parks/RadnorLake/

We also went to the Edwin Warner Park in Nashville which is a city park and also very accessible. They have several miles of paved trail that would be excellent to bike. The nature center was impressive and perhaps the coolest thing was the mud pit that kids played in!!! http://www.nashville.gov/parks/locations/warner.asp

Stop by next time you're in Nashville!

Unsettled to Settled

In the most recent weeks I have found myself in a kind of limbo; neither here nor somewhere else but struggling to decide which location is right for me. It seems that this unsettled state is simply a reflection of the gargantuan decisions that are coming. I am projecting- except really I'm looking into the future, predicting what is to come, and then pulling those feelings back into the present where they haunt me. Why must I make life so complex?
 
I am unsettled. Is there a storm coming or is the sky clearing? I just cannot tell.








I am waiting on acceptance letters (that is positive thinking)  from three universities I have applied to for a PhD in social work. In the mean time I am loving my job and learning so much everyday from the wonderful team I work with and from the students I have the pleasure of knowing. Yet at the same time I am unsettled. How can I be settled when I know that change is coming, that I will be either moving or commuting, renting out my house or something else, saying good-bye to my wonderful job and hello to a challenging few years of school, and even more unsettling, delaying life further for the next 3 to 4 years.

In the last day or so it has come to my attention that the lens through which I have been looking at my life is completely out of focus. My plan was to .... and then..... and then...... fill in the blank. As I interpret what I see transpiring I have a sense of loss, like grief over what has not happened or may not ever happen. My plans....

And then God shows up.... He does that... particularly when when shut Him out. Unintentionally sure, but all the same He must show up that way when our plans are not quite what He has in mind.

So I now know how to feel settled-

"Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3


I was out of focus asking, "what do I want to do or what do others expect of me?" Of course I would feel unsettled if I had not really asked "God what are YOUR plans for me and what actions should I take?" Now that I am starting to get in focus I still feel a little unsettled but my worry is diminishing. I am beginning to get a sense that God has better things in store than I ever could have imagined. I keep coming back to the idea that this is His story and not mine.

Because I can trust in God, I choose to make the most out of where He has me right now and trust that He will put me where He needs me in the future.