Who is really in the chair?

It was really nice to meet someone today who has a very clear understanding of what it is like to have a loved one who uses a chair. I even practiced "receiving empathy" though it felt really awkward. At the same time, I felt connected to someone I barely knew and that was nice. Terry's chair can be the catalyst for "barrier creation" for other people. Rather than having the obvious barriers imposed by design and structure, fear of the unknown often prevents people from getting close to us. Or maybe it's that vibe I give off! That shame thing that now has a name. I guess I can be more disabled than Terry because if you've ever spent time with him, you'll find that he truly connects with people. I quite often am too busy being in control, or busy, etc. to allow for connection. So who has it better? The wheelchair user who loves life to the fullest? Or the able-bodied person who doesn't experience life to the fullest? Who is really disabled? Terry sure isn't.

Shame as a Diversion

Today I learned that shame is fed by secrecy, silence, and judgment and that the remedy for shame is empathy. Sigh... I am suppose to be good at empathy; I am a social worker. But I have the impression that empathy is not just the remedy for shame but can also be a diversion that masks shame or perhaps more honestly, allows for its continued unquestioned existence. In this case empathy would have a dual function; insincerely meeting the needs of those I come in contact with and masking my shame, neither of which is the true function of empathy.

Is it possible to have true empathy if shame pervades? I don't know. But I do know that at times shame can be a disabling and dominating "factor" affecting the ability to receive empathy. 

There is something physical that happens within me when I experience genuine connection to someone who is hurting. It is hard to describe but the best way to say it is that I feel what they feel and think what they think so much so that "I" cease to exist for that moment. This experience is charged and energizing, full of love and compassion and a desire to help. I wonder what the other person feels at that moment....

How do you breakdown the barrier of shame so that you can truly connect and accept empathy? How do you take that first risk and allow for the possibility of failure, rejection, judgment, and isolation? I think that maybe being rejected, judged, and failing might be good to experience actually because it allows one to see that these things really are not so bad. Besides, if you are stuck behind the barricade of shame then you have already self-isolated and that is not a result of how others see you but how you see yourself.

Oh for un-masked, un-barricading, not rejecting or judging love of Jesus! If He found you worthy enough to die for then you must be good enough for others! 

I am beginning to realize that shame is just a diversion to derail us from being Jesus' hands and feet. It must be the the pinnacle of self-centeredness. I want to be Jesus centered and pray that He will take away the walls that I have built so that He can use me to the full extent of his plan.